My tattoos and their meanings Part 4 (FINAL!)

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover-ups that I will talk more about.

My 15th & 16th tattoos: Dark Mark & Spiderweb

 

So I just got these this year by my current artist. The spiderweb is something I’ve wanted for a long time even though it supposedly means you’ve been incarcerated (I haven’t). To me it symbolizes me trying to overcome my fear of spiders on a daily basis. (lol) I also just think spider webs are pretty. The Dark Mark is another Harry Potter tattoo. It’s not necessarily a good tattoo to have either. It’s like the Swastica in Germany. It’s a racist symbol. It is a tattoo that Death Eaters (followers of the Dark Lord Voldemort) have tattooed in the same exact spot. These are people who think magick should only be taught to pureblood families (families that are all witches and wizards, not half-bloods or muggle (nonmagick folk). I’ve always been fascinated with the dark side of the wizarding world and have always thought I’d be a death eater if I was ever in that world. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I don’t really care.

My 17th & 18th tattoos: Bats & Carrie

These were also done by my current artist this week. The bats I’ve been wanting for a long time. Why Bats? I’ve always been fascinated by bats and I think they are interesting creatures. So I decided to use some flying bats to fill up some space on my arms. Then there’s Carrie who is supposed to look like the Barbie doll logo. Carrie is my favorite movie and book by Stephen King other than The Shining. I thought it would be cool to have a Carrie tattoo so I got one. Really no meaning behind these two which is pretty lame, I know.

That’s all for my tattoos right now! I am getting another one for my birthday in two weeks so watch for it! Thanks for reading and keeping up with me!

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My tattoos and their meanings Part 3

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover ups that I will talk more about.

My 11th tattoo: Element Tree with Initials & Butterfly

 

This was my birthday gift last year from my Mom. This is also my first tattoo by my current artist. This is another image I found on deviantart.com. I had this one saved for many years and was waiting to get it to make sure I wanted it. To me, it represents the elements and how I learned more about them when I went through my religious phase of “Wicca/Paganism”. The tree itself is just because I love trees. I have always felt a strong connection with trees. The initials go more with the butterfly, “RLH”, which is for my boyfriend Ronnie who committed suicide when we were 12. When he died one of my family friends caught a caterpillar for me and put it in a jar. She said when it turns into a butterfly, it will symbolize Ronnie and his rebirth in heaven. So we released it when it did turn into a butterfly. A very emotional moment for me.

My 12th, 13th, & 14th tattoos: Slytherin Crest, Cross, & Crochet hook

These were done by my current artist. If you haven’t caught on, the Slytherin Crest is a cover-up of my barbed wire. Why did I want the Slytherin Crest? Because I’m a Harry Potter nerd and Slytherin is the house I relate to most. Plus I’m obsessed with Draco Malfoy. 😉 So we did that in two different sessions. Then I got my 2 finger tattoos. A cross for my new found faith and joining a new church and to symbolize my religion of Christianity. I also got a crochet hook on my right index finger since I love to crochet during the winter. However, since then, the crochet hook has faded because of the constant use of my hand and now it just looks like two lines. Ha. I’m not sure if I’m going to cover it up or leave it to be honest.

Come back tomorrow for part 4! It’ll be my last post on my tattoos.

Wait, what religion are you?

So throughout my life, I’ve undergone many different religious “epiphanies”. Since I was very young, my Grandma raised me Christian in a Methodist church. I just kind of followed along with it. My Mom wasn’t really religious. Neither was my Dad. They didn’t go to church, pretty much ever. Grandma went to church EVERY. SUNDAY. 8AM Service. I went to my Grandma’s every weekend growing up.

When I was 13, I went through “confirmation” and joined the church and was baptized. I was very active in the church there for a while. I would volunteer to play piano for church and sing songs. It was a joke to me. I didn’t even know why I was doing it. I was religiously confused. As I got older, more and more I didn’t go to Grandma’s on the weekend because I didn’t want to have to go to church. While I was in High School, I considered myself an atheist. I didn’t believe in anything and quite honestly, I didn’t care. I literally did not care about anything, including my grades.

When I turned 18 I somehow found out about Paganism and Wicca. A year or so later I joined a coven. I felt like I was home. I loved my teachers, all the other members. It was perfect. I finally felt like I had found my religion. I did that for a few years. I was even married by a pagan High Priest from my coven and had the traditional handfasting ceremony. Everything was perfect.

I soon became bored with it and confused. “Is this really what I believe? Is this the right thing? Will I ever know what religion I’m supposed to me?” These were often thoughts I had to myself. All of a sudden, I stopped going to my coven’s meetings. I did solitary rituals and did a few spells here and there. I meditated a lot and had some short discussions with my Pagan God and Goddess. I would always question it. “Is it just my conscience talking to me or is it really the word of my deities?” Something in me just felt like what I was doing was betraying my Christian roots.

So I went back to that church in my early 20’s and started going to a non-denominational church which was led by the pastor of my old small church. He made the messages so relatable and I finally felt like I was in the right place. Then I got bored again. I went back to my coven. This cycle happened not once… but twice. I struggled to try to stay Christian knowing that so many (well, most) Christian’s are against gay marriage and the transgender community. I’m a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community and it’s one thing I really believe in as far as equality. I’m a very open-minded person.

This summer, the cycle started again. All of the last year I considered myself Christian and started finding myself posting bible verses on my facebook. I felt like that’s where I needed to be. I felt I was Christian. I went to a few church services between my home church and my other church I went to. Then starting this year, I felt I was Pagan again. So I started going back to my coven and I even went to their annual weekend camping trip, which I had so much fun at. However, I still just felt like I was doing something wrong.

Most recently, I decided to go back to church. The only problem was my home church is 20 minutes away and my other regular church that was in town disbanded due to lack of funds to keep it going. It was very disappointing. So I decided to try out my best friend’s church again. I was raised in a Methodist church, and I like the Methodist church. My best friend is Lutheran, which I consider very close to Catholic. While there is nothing wrong with being Lutheran or Catholic, I just don’t feel like those churches are for me.

As I was researching churches in town, I found so many of them on their websites saying that do not accept gay people. It really bugged me. How can you say you’re such a welcoming church and shun gay people? It’s stupid. After addressing this with my best friend, she suggested I try the Methodist church in our sister town. It’s about 15 minutes away from my house. That night I drove to the church and just sat in the parking lot and marveled at how huge the church was. I felt a spark in my soul. I talked to my Grandma about going there and come to find out, the co-pastor used to be a pastor at my home church and married my Mom and my biological father. So there was a connection.

I went to this church with my Mom the next Sunday. On the way there, I turned on some Christian music on Spotify on my phone and my Mom laughed at me. “What, are you, Grandma, now?” She asked. It bugged me a little, but I was trying to set the mood.

We were greeted by very friendly people at the door. It was a huge church, even bigger once you’re inside. The co-pastor who married my parents gave the sermon. There was something about her words that just resonated with me. The message was on kindness, something I need to be schooled on badly. After the service, I was happy, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join just yet.

Today, Grandma drove to town and went to church with me. We talked with the co-pastor and she reminisced with Grandma a little. Grandma just spoke so highly of her. I could see why. She has an amazing personality and she is just one of the nicest people you will ever meet. So, today I decided I want to join the church. I’m also getting involved in the church. Next Sunday I have lunch with both Pastors to discuss joining the church. This coming Wednesday I’ll be packing meals with the church to support the community. Then next Tuesday I have a meeting to discuss starting a Young Adult group. I’m so excited. I finally feel like I’m a part of something big. Something that feels right.

At the end of the day, I feel like I’m always going to be Pagan deep down. Now I just consider myself ChristoPagan. A mix of Christian and Pagan. I believe in Jesus Christ, God, and my Goddess, Mary Magdalene. I may do spells here and there. I pray every night. But now I have a church to call home. I feel content and welcome.

I hope everyone found this insightful. Love is all around us.