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My tattoos and their meanings Part 2

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover ups that I will talk more about.

My 6th & 7th tattoos: Cupcake (Gpa) & Ferret (Lucius)

 

These were my first tattoos with another new artist that a friend recommended to me since he did all her tattoos. I’d say he did a great job on these. I’m very proud of them. First, the cupcake has a story. Georgi and I used to listen to our Grandpa Bobby within the last few years he was with us about how a cupcake rolled under the dresser and our dog ate it. It was just this elaborate story and it was so funny, so I got the cupcake in memory of him. Below it, you can see it has an ambigram (something that says one word and you turn it upside down and it says another word) of the letters “GPA” with stand for Grandpa and when you flip it over it reads “GRS” which are his initials. Then we have my Mr. Lu tattoo. I found this tribal ferret design where I find most of my tattoos, on deviantart.com. Someone drew it up and I decided I wanted it. I brought a picture of Lucius and had the artist copy the coloring on him to the tribal ferret. However, now Mr. Lu is all white. This was his coloring in his early years.

My 8th, 9th (3rd), & 10th tattoos: What goes around, spade, & Cheshire cat

So I went back to the artist who did my ferret and cupcake for a coverup and 2 new tattoos. I decided it would be cool to have the saying “what goes around comes around” in cursive as a “bracelet” on my wrist. I thought the fact that the words go around was pretty genius on my part. I’m a firm believer in karma so this saying really hits home. I thought about this tattoo for a long time before I got it. Then I got my cover up and my new spade. As mentioned in my previous post, I hated my heartagram and wanted to do a cover up. At this point in my life I was obsessed with the original Disney movie “Alice in Wonderland”. The cheshireĀ cat was my favorite character so I searched google until I found an image I liked. Then while looking up “Alice in Wonderland” tattoos, I came across the spade that says “We’re all mad here”. This is not a saying from the movie, it’s actually from the book (which I’ve read and own). At the time I thought it was cool, so I got it. Again, memories that I will cherish so they mean something to me.

Come back tomorrow for part 3! We’re getting closer! My current artist comes next!

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“True friends stab you in the front”

While on my way home from a small town this evening I found myself trying to think of blog posts since I haven’t posted one in a while. I had Spotify on and I was listening to the “Bullet for my Valentine” radio station. A song I’ve heard on this station before, and because it was my album of the month for August, was “True Friends” by Bring me the Horizon. The lyrics go like this: “I wouldnā€™t hold my breath if I was you, ‘Cause Iā€™ll forget but Iā€™ll never forgive you, Donā€™t you know, donā€™t you know? True friends stab you in the front”.

This resonates with me so much right now. I’ve recently lost my best friend, for about the 3rd time. No, she didn’t die. She basically disowned me. Again… You see… my best friend has a lot of problems. Being suicidal is #1. She’s been so depressed lately after her most recent suicide attempt a couple of months back. She never texts me back. She doesn’t text me at all. When I text her and ask her why she won’t text me back, she’ll say something smart-assy like “I didn’t know it was a requirement”. It really pisses me off. We hung out back in July and she was totally fine when we hung out. She wasn’t as talkative as usual, but she seemed like she was enjoying herself. She actually reached out to me at that time and asked me to hang out. I was surprised since she hadn’t been texting me much lately.

I’m very disappointed, to say the least. I haven’t talked to her since July. She’s since gone back to school in Chicago and I start college on Monday. I really wanted to be able to come home Monday and text her and tell her how awesome my 1st day of college was. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. I’ve finally decided I’ve had enough. I know when people are depressed and suicidal you shouldn’t ditch them or stop being their friend, but I’ve had enough. I’m not reaching out to her anymore. I’m not texting her, not calling her. I may even take her off my Christmas card list. I just can’t take it. You’re supposed to be my best friend. We’ve been close since 2010. That’s 7 years. Where have those years gone? Apparently down the drain.

It’s so hard for me to make this decision. I have no idea how I’m going to react when she finally texts me out of the blue because I know she will eventually. She always does. I may want to text her back right then and there and be overjoyed to hear from her. However, I will have to stop myself and ignore the text. She’s pushing away all the people that care about her. I just don’t understand how she can do this. Throwing a friendship of almost a decade, well, we’ve known each other since we were kids, but throwing all that away? It’s just sad. I will always care for her, but I just can’t do it anymore.

So when your friend tries to commit suicide for the umpteenth time unsuccessfully and shuts you out. Don’t go pushing and fighting to retain their friendship. It’s not worth the drama. Lesson learned.