My Life

“True friends stab you in the front”

While on my way home from a small town this evening I found myself trying to think of blog posts since I haven’t posted one in a while. I had Spotify on and I was listening to the “Bullet for my Valentine” radio station. A song I’ve heard on this station before, and because it was my album of the month for August, was “True Friends” by Bring me the Horizon. The lyrics go like this: “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you, ‘Cause I’ll forget but I’ll never forgive you, Don’t you know, don’t you know? True friends stab you in the front”.

This resonates with me so much right now. I’ve recently lost my best friend, for about the 3rd time. No, she didn’t die. She basically disowned me. Again… You see… my best friend has a lot of problems. Being suicidal is #1. She’s been so depressed lately after her most recent suicide attempt a couple of months back. She never texts me back. She doesn’t text me at all. When I text her and ask her why she won’t text me back, she’ll say something smart-assy like “I didn’t know it was a requirement”. It really pisses me off. We hung out back in July and she was totally fine when we hung out. She wasn’t as talkative as usual, but she seemed like she was enjoying herself. She actually reached out to me at that time and asked me to hang out. I was surprised since she hadn’t been texting me much lately.

I’m very disappointed, to say the least. I haven’t talked to her since July. She’s since gone back to school in Chicago and I start college on Monday. I really wanted to be able to come home Monday and text her and tell her how awesome my 1st day of college was. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. I’ve finally decided I’ve had enough. I know when people are depressed and suicidal you shouldn’t ditch them or stop being their friend, but I’ve had enough. I’m not reaching out to her anymore. I’m not texting her, not calling her. I may even take her off my Christmas card list. I just can’t take it. You’re supposed to be my best friend. We’ve been close since 2010. That’s 7 years. Where have those years gone? Apparently down the drain.

It’s so hard for me to make this decision. I have no idea how I’m going to react when she finally texts me out of the blue because I know she will eventually. She always does. I may want to text her back right then and there and be overjoyed to hear from her. However, I will have to stop myself and ignore the text. She’s pushing away all the people that care about her. I just don’t understand how she can do this. Throwing a friendship of almost a decade, well, we’ve known each other since we were kids, but throwing all that away? It’s just sad. I will always care for her, but I just can’t do it anymore.

So when your friend tries to commit suicide for the umpteenth time unsuccessfully and shuts you out. Don’t go pushing and fighting to retain their friendship. It’s not worth the drama. Lesson learned.

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Reviews

August Reviews

 Book: Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly

I thought this was a great book. It was very suspenseful and made me want to keep reading. Very well written. I recommend looking it up. It’s about 3 different girls from 3 different countries in the middle of World War II. Each of them has their own story but in the end, it all intertwines. Lovely read. Got through it pretty quick.

Image result for bring me the horizon that's the spiritCD/Album: Bring Me The Horizon “That’s the Spirit” I fell in love with this band a few years back. Their CD’s are ones you can listen all the way through without skipping because they are just that good.

Movie: Paddington (2014) I thought this was a great movie. I’m a big fan of anything British so I knew I would like it. It had great special effects and I fell in love with Paddington. There are so many actors and actresses in the movie who play in the Harry Potter movies, so I knew I would like it. A sequel is actually in the works right now and is set to be shown in 2018!

Image result for peach goddess skin frostMakeup product: Jeffree Star Skin Frost Highlighter in Peach Goddess

I’ve only used a select few highlighters. I heard many people rave about this one, so I purchased it. It’s huge too. I got it in Peach Goddess so it would blend well with my blush. I’ve been using this since around Thanksgiving last year. I couldn’t put into words how pleased I am with it. I highly recommend it.