My tattoos and their meanings Part 4 (FINAL!)

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover-ups that I will talk more about.

My 15th & 16th tattoos: Dark Mark & Spiderweb

 

So I just got these this year by my current artist. The spiderweb is something I’ve wanted for a long time even though it supposedly means you’ve been incarcerated (I haven’t). To me it symbolizes me trying to overcome my fear of spiders on a daily basis. (lol) I also just think spider webs are pretty. The Dark Mark is another Harry Potter tattoo. It’s not necessarily a good tattoo to have either. It’s like the Swastica in Germany. It’s a racist symbol. It is a tattoo that Death Eaters (followers of the Dark Lord Voldemort) have tattooed in the same exact spot. These are people who think magick should only be taught to pureblood families (families that are all witches and wizards, not half-bloods or muggle (nonmagick folk). I’ve always been fascinated with the dark side of the wizarding world and have always thought I’d be a death eater if I was ever in that world. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I don’t really care.

My 17th & 18th tattoos: Bats & Carrie

These were also done by my current artist this week. The bats I’ve been wanting for a long time. Why Bats? I’ve always been fascinated by bats and I think they are interesting creatures. So I decided to use some flying bats to fill up some space on my arms. Then there’s Carrie who is supposed to look like the Barbie doll logo. Carrie is my favorite movie and book by Stephen King other than The Shining. I thought it would be cool to have a Carrie tattoo so I got one. Really no meaning behind these two which is pretty lame, I know.

That’s all for my tattoos right now! I am getting another one for my birthday in two weeks so watch for it! Thanks for reading and keeping up with me!

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My tattoos and their meanings Part 3

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover ups that I will talk more about.

My 11th tattoo: Element Tree with Initials & Butterfly

 

This was my birthday gift last year from my Mom. This is also my first tattoo by my current artist. This is another image I found on deviantart.com. I had this one saved for many years and was waiting to get it to make sure I wanted it. To me, it represents the elements and how I learned more about them when I went through my religious phase of “Wicca/Paganism”. The tree itself is just because I love trees. I have always felt a strong connection with trees. The initials go more with the butterfly, “RLH”, which is for my boyfriend Ronnie who committed suicide when we were 12. When he died one of my family friends caught a caterpillar for me and put it in a jar. She said when it turns into a butterfly, it will symbolize Ronnie and his rebirth in heaven. So we released it when it did turn into a butterfly. A very emotional moment for me.

My 12th, 13th, & 14th tattoos: Slytherin Crest, Cross, & Crochet hook

These were done by my current artist. If you haven’t caught on, the Slytherin Crest is a cover-up of my barbed wire. Why did I want the Slytherin Crest? Because I’m a Harry Potter nerd and Slytherin is the house I relate to most. Plus I’m obsessed with Draco Malfoy. 😉 So we did that in two different sessions. Then I got my 2 finger tattoos. A cross for my new found faith and joining a new church and to symbolize my religion of Christianity. I also got a crochet hook on my right index finger since I love to crochet during the winter. However, since then, the crochet hook has faded because of the constant use of my hand and now it just looks like two lines. Ha. I’m not sure if I’m going to cover it up or leave it to be honest.

Come back tomorrow for part 4! It’ll be my last post on my tattoos.

My tattoos and their meanings Part 2

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover ups that I will talk more about.

My 6th & 7th tattoos: Cupcake (Gpa) & Ferret (Lucius)

 

These were my first tattoos with another new artist that a friend recommended to me since he did all her tattoos. I’d say he did a great job on these. I’m very proud of them. First, the cupcake has a story. Georgi and I used to listen to our Grandpa Bobby within the last few years he was with us about how a cupcake rolled under the dresser and our dog ate it. It was just this elaborate story and it was so funny, so I got the cupcake in memory of him. Below it, you can see it has an ambigram (something that says one word and you turn it upside down and it says another word) of the letters “GPA” with stand for Grandpa and when you flip it over it reads “GRS” which are his initials. Then we have my Mr. Lu tattoo. I found this tribal ferret design where I find most of my tattoos, on deviantart.com. Someone drew it up and I decided I wanted it. I brought a picture of Lucius and had the artist copy the coloring on him to the tribal ferret. However, now Mr. Lu is all white. This was his coloring in his early years.

My 8th, 9th (3rd), & 10th tattoos: What goes around, spade, & Cheshire cat

So I went back to the artist who did my ferret and cupcake for a coverup and 2 new tattoos. I decided it would be cool to have the saying “what goes around comes around” in cursive as a “bracelet” on my wrist. I thought the fact that the words go around was pretty genius on my part. I’m a firm believer in karma so this saying really hits home. I thought about this tattoo for a long time before I got it. Then I got my cover up and my new spade. As mentioned in my previous post, I hated my heartagram and wanted to do a cover up. At this point in my life I was obsessed with the original Disney movie “Alice in Wonderland”. The cheshire cat was my favorite character so I searched google until I found an image I liked. Then while looking up “Alice in Wonderland” tattoos, I came across the spade that says “We’re all mad here”. This is not a saying from the movie, it’s actually from the book (which I’ve read and own). At the time I thought it was cool, so I got it. Again, memories that I will cherish so they mean something to me.

Come back tomorrow for part 3! We’re getting closer! My current artist comes next!

My tattoos and their meanings Part 1

So I think this is a long overdue post with pictures of my tattoos and an explanation of the reasoning behind them. I’m going to go in order of when I got them. I currently have two cover ups that I will talk more about.

My very first tattoo: Hatchetman/Juggalette

juggalette

This one I’m somewhat embarrassed about… I was 18 and told my parents I wanted a tattoo for my birthday. At the time I was very into Psychopathic Records, the label that housed the underground bands Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Dark Lotus, etc. A Juggalette is someone who follows the lifestyle and all that encompasses these bands. Think “Deadheads” (fans of The Grateful Dead). The red hatchetman is the logo of the record label. You have to understand, when I was young, this was my lifestyle… Listening to music that you could relate to and getting stoned. While I will always love Psychopathic, I don’t listen to its music like I used to. Oh, and luckily I got this as a “Tramp Stamp” so no one ever sees it. It’s very raised up because my artist and his wife got in a huge fight minutes before my appointment and he took his anger out on my tattoo. Needless to say my first tattoo hurt like hell. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get it covered up. As I feel with most of my tattoos, it’s part of a memory of my life and symbolizes what I’ve been through and overcome.

My 2nd and 3rd tattoos: Half barbwire and Nautical star

So for some stupid reason I went back to the artist who drilled my hatchetman tattoo into me, but he did better this time. These tattoos were somewhat sporadic. The barbed wire I’ve always wanted all the way around my arm since I saw it on Pamela Anderson as a child; classic 90’s tattoo. Unfortunately, I was chicken and had heard the underside of your arm hurts like hell to get tattooed. So I got it across the front of my arm up towards my shoulder. This has since been covered up and I’m braver now that I have more tattoos. The nautical star, I honestly saw it on the wall at the shop and said “I want that on my ankle!” So I got it. Red and Black are my favorite colors, but that’s the only explanation I have for it. I like it, so I don’t think I’ll get it covered up.

4th & 5th Tattoos: Heartagram and Diamond

So I decided I wanted to check out a new artist. I talked to my parents who got really cool tattoos from a guy in Champaign. Long story short, I decided I’d never go to him again. My heartagram has since been covered up and I’m hoping to get my diamond covered up soon. This guy was a total asshole. He was super arrogant and said he couldn’t give me exactly what I wanted for the quoted price. So I had a cool tribal heartagram piece picked out. He tattooed just a heartagram half purple half pink on my wrist. I hated it. I got the heartagram to represent my love for Bam Margera (From Jackass & Viva La Bam) and for the band H.I.M. which Bam was a big fan and friend of. The heartagram is like a pentagram with a heart, it was the symbol for said band. So then I had a picture of a 3-D sparkling diamond. He said he could draw it freehand. Again, when he was done, I looked at it and hated it. He didn’t even ask if I liked them, he just got up and left. $150 WASTED! I was so pissed. Never went to him again…

Stay tuned for more coming tomorrow! I have a total of 15. 😉

Wait, what religion are you?

So throughout my life, I’ve undergone many different religious “epiphanies”. Since I was very young, my Grandma raised me Christian in a Methodist church. I just kind of followed along with it. My Mom wasn’t really religious. Neither was my Dad. They didn’t go to church, pretty much ever. Grandma went to church EVERY. SUNDAY. 8AM Service. I went to my Grandma’s every weekend growing up.

When I was 13, I went through “confirmation” and joined the church and was baptized. I was very active in the church there for a while. I would volunteer to play piano for church and sing songs. It was a joke to me. I didn’t even know why I was doing it. I was religiously confused. As I got older, more and more I didn’t go to Grandma’s on the weekend because I didn’t want to have to go to church. While I was in High School, I considered myself an atheist. I didn’t believe in anything and quite honestly, I didn’t care. I literally did not care about anything, including my grades.

When I turned 18 I somehow found out about Paganism and Wicca. A year or so later I joined a coven. I felt like I was home. I loved my teachers, all the other members. It was perfect. I finally felt like I had found my religion. I did that for a few years. I was even married by a pagan High Priest from my coven and had the traditional handfasting ceremony. Everything was perfect.

I soon became bored with it and confused. “Is this really what I believe? Is this the right thing? Will I ever know what religion I’m supposed to me?” These were often thoughts I had to myself. All of a sudden, I stopped going to my coven’s meetings. I did solitary rituals and did a few spells here and there. I meditated a lot and had some short discussions with my Pagan God and Goddess. I would always question it. “Is it just my conscience talking to me or is it really the word of my deities?” Something in me just felt like what I was doing was betraying my Christian roots.

So I went back to that church in my early 20’s and started going to a non-denominational church which was led by the pastor of my old small church. He made the messages so relatable and I finally felt like I was in the right place. Then I got bored again. I went back to my coven. This cycle happened not once… but twice. I struggled to try to stay Christian knowing that so many (well, most) Christian’s are against gay marriage and the transgender community. I’m a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community and it’s one thing I really believe in as far as equality. I’m a very open-minded person.

This summer, the cycle started again. All of the last year I considered myself Christian and started finding myself posting bible verses on my facebook. I felt like that’s where I needed to be. I felt I was Christian. I went to a few church services between my home church and my other church I went to. Then starting this year, I felt I was Pagan again. So I started going back to my coven and I even went to their annual weekend camping trip, which I had so much fun at. However, I still just felt like I was doing something wrong.

Most recently, I decided to go back to church. The only problem was my home church is 20 minutes away and my other regular church that was in town disbanded due to lack of funds to keep it going. It was very disappointing. So I decided to try out my best friend’s church again. I was raised in a Methodist church, and I like the Methodist church. My best friend is Lutheran, which I consider very close to Catholic. While there is nothing wrong with being Lutheran or Catholic, I just don’t feel like those churches are for me.

As I was researching churches in town, I found so many of them on their websites saying that do not accept gay people. It really bugged me. How can you say you’re such a welcoming church and shun gay people? It’s stupid. After addressing this with my best friend, she suggested I try the Methodist church in our sister town. It’s about 15 minutes away from my house. That night I drove to the church and just sat in the parking lot and marveled at how huge the church was. I felt a spark in my soul. I talked to my Grandma about going there and come to find out, the co-pastor used to be a pastor at my home church and married my Mom and my biological father. So there was a connection.

I went to this church with my Mom the next Sunday. On the way there, I turned on some Christian music on Spotify on my phone and my Mom laughed at me. “What, are you, Grandma, now?” She asked. It bugged me a little, but I was trying to set the mood.

We were greeted by very friendly people at the door. It was a huge church, even bigger once you’re inside. The co-pastor who married my parents gave the sermon. There was something about her words that just resonated with me. The message was on kindness, something I need to be schooled on badly. After the service, I was happy, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join just yet.

Today, Grandma drove to town and went to church with me. We talked with the co-pastor and she reminisced with Grandma a little. Grandma just spoke so highly of her. I could see why. She has an amazing personality and she is just one of the nicest people you will ever meet. So, today I decided I want to join the church. I’m also getting involved in the church. Next Sunday I have lunch with both Pastors to discuss joining the church. This coming Wednesday I’ll be packing meals with the church to support the community. Then next Tuesday I have a meeting to discuss starting a Young Adult group. I’m so excited. I finally feel like I’m a part of something big. Something that feels right.

At the end of the day, I feel like I’m always going to be Pagan deep down. Now I just consider myself ChristoPagan. A mix of Christian and Pagan. I believe in Jesus Christ, God, and my Goddess, Mary Magdalene. I may do spells here and there. I pray every night. But now I have a church to call home. I feel content and welcome.

I hope everyone found this insightful. Love is all around us.

Religiously Confused

So for whatever reason, I get into these weird obsessed manic episodes where all of a sudden I want to be religious. I somehow convince myself that I’m wrong by practicing witchcraft and being Wiccan. Even though my whole life, I’ve always been drawn to nature and felt a magical feeling about it that really resonated with me.

Here’s why I’m confused. When I feel like I’m practicing the correct religion, I feel a blissful, calming feeling. When I was younger I would walk around barefoot in nature and just feel the wind blow through my hair. That would give me the blissful feeling. However, when I was baptized in a church at age 12, I also got that blissful feeling. So am I Christian or am I Wiccan? I’m confused.

Then another part of me wonders why I can’t do both. Religion to me isn’t about the afterlife. One thing that resonated with me in Wicca was the concept of reincarnation. I never have believed your soul dies and goes to heaven. I feel like spirits are everlasting. You come back into the world as something else, the moment you die.

I started looking at churches last night. There’s this one church one of my friend’s goes to that I’ve heard so many great things about called Vale church. I watched the hour-long service from last Sunday on my phone and thought it was okay. The pastor kept talking about how everyone was welcome in their church and I liked that. Then… I looked on their website about “what we believe”. They believe homosexuality is a sin and so is being transgender or nonbinary. Personally, I can’t be in a church that doesn’t support those 2 things. So that church is out.

I grew up in a Methodist church so I looked up different Methodist churches in town. There’s one I’m somewhat interested in called Wesley United Methodist church that’s located not too far from me. Their website seemed a lot more welcoming as far as types of people. I may try that church. However, today I’m attending a Lutheran church with my best friend that she’s been going to since she was young. She said last time I went I had a bad experience. I don’t really remember, plus that was almost 4 or 5 years ago so things could have changed. I’m looking forward to going to Bible study with her as well. Even though I’ve never believed in the Bible and that it is a sacred text written by Jesus’ followers, I do believe there are lessons to be learned in it and I’m all about learning more.

I guess if it all comes down to it, I could be what is called a Christopagan or a Christian Witch. I don’t really want to give up on Wicca entirely, but for some reason, it just feels wrong lately. I go through periods where I’m in denial about being Wiccan. As I was raised Christian, I feel that’s what I’m supposed to be. It’s what I know. I don’t really know. I guess I’ll write about my experience.