My Life

Sibling age gaps

If you’ve been reading my posts you may know that I have a sister. We have a 10-year gap between us. What was it like for me in the beginning up to now?

When I found out my mom was pregnant with my sister, I completely shut down. I didn’t understand. I was 10 years old and an only child. I loved being an only child. How could my parents do this to me? It made me really depressed. That’s when I started acting out and getting bad grades.

When my sister was born, I was still confused on how I felt about her. I held her a few times. I changed her diaper maybe once or twice. I got yelled at by my step-dad because they were stupid enough to lay her on the couch when she was an infant and I was supposed to watch her. Well, she rolled off the couch. Of course, it was MY fault, because I wasn’t watching her. Even though my sister was a good baby, she annoyed the living crap out of me. The amount of attention everyone was giving her really got to me. That’s when I started to become a very angry child.

By the time my sister was 2, I really didn’t have a problem with her. She was actually pretty funny. I would record her on my grandma’s video camera singing or saying funny things. It was fun. However, I couldn’t shake the jealousy I had over how much attention my step-dad gave her compared to me. I mean, I understand it’s different because she’s his child by blood, but I came first. When you got with my mom, you knew what you were getting yourself into. Believe me, he did. I put up a protest when he got with my mom, to the point, he almost left her (so she says).

When she was 4 is when I really started to love her. I was still jealous of her, but I loved her. I was 14, my cousin was 10; we would make my sister play parts in the movies we made on grandma’s video camera with Barbie’s. She did pretty well. We even recorded a fashion show when I did both of their makeup and picked out their outfits. I even made a few music videos with her. We had fun. However, that’s my end of the spectrum. Not everything was always so fun for her. I TORMENTED her. Constantly. She had this Dora the Explorer backpack that sang. I would put it at the top of the stairs and hide behind a wall with my scary alien mask on. I’d yell down to her to come get her Dora backpack and I’d scare the living crap out of her. That was just ONE of the ways I tortured her. I also had a problem when I was 14, 15, 16, and 17 with sneaking boys over when I was supposed to be watching her. We would go in my room and… do things… while my poor sister was downstairs. Not many people know that. To this day I still regret being such a sleeze in front of my sister and not spending time with her. She didn’t need to deal with that, especially at such a young age. I will always be sorry for that.

Fast forward… When I moved out on my (then boyfriend, now husband)’s 18th birthday during the summer, it was pretty hard. After living with your family for so many years and being comfortable with the way things were, it was hard to leave them knowing you wouldn’t see them much. Obviously, I didn’t feel that way at the time I moved out. I was happy as hell to get out of that house and away from those people. All I did was fight with my parents all the time. Especially my step-dad. I was basically their free babysitter, so I was happy to get away and spend my days with the love of my life.

When we were finally tired of dealing with our apartment, we decided we wanted to rent a house. Well, we couldn’t find any nice houses with cheap enough rent. You know what we did? The house next door to my parent’s house that I grew up in had been for sale for almost 2 years. No one wanted it. We decided to buy it. I hated living in my apartment and not seeing my sister or my parents. We honestly never saw them. They hardly visited. I went to their house every once in a while. We didn’t really call each other. It was crazy. So when we bought the house it became a major convenience and brought me and my sister closer than ever.

My sister and I may be polar opposites, but we are good sisters to each other. We always try to help each other out. We talk almost daily. I love her like she’s my own daughter or best friend. I’m not sure what I’d do without her. She’s the greatest sister I could ever ask for. After all those years of being jealous of her, I kinda still am, but I still love her. I guess there will always be sibling rivalry.

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My Life

Makeup or no makeup?

So telling from my pictures you can probably tell I wear A LOT of makeup. Should every girl wear makeup? Should guys be able to wear makeup without criticism? What about all natural? It seems my generation and the generation of kids in high school right now are all about makeup.

Makeup to me (and my sister) is a hobby. It’s an expensive hobby at that. I don’t put makeup on for you. I don’t do it for my husband. I don’t do it for my family. I actually don’t even wear makeup on a daily basis. I decided early on that it should be a privilege for you to see me with makeup on. I do it for myself. I think I look great with makeup on. I feel like doing makeup is an art. I express myself with colorful eyeshadows and bulk up my lashes with thick mascara. I show my gothic side by wearing black eyeliner. I’m in on the eyebrow trend that’s been going on for the past year. I just love makeup.

As I said, I don’t wear makeup every day. Honestly, it’s mainly because I’m lazy. However, it is also because when I pass on, I want people to remember me as I was naturally. Not a cake face covered in makeup or a fake Barbie. I don’t feel it should be a requirement as a girl to wear makeup every day. If you don’t want to wear makeup every day, or even at all, do you boo. 😉 Do not ever let any man, boy, or mean girl tell you that you need makeup to look pretty. You’re beautiful as you are. Makeup is supposed to enhance your features, but it can also be used to make you look totally different. Whichever way you choose is up to you. There really are no rules in makeup. I’ve learned there are makeup tutorials all over YouTube, but so many people do their makeup different than the next person.

When I was in Cosmetology school, we had a week process of learning how to do makeup. Honestly, I thought it was a load of crap. It really didn’t teach us anything we didn’t already know. All the girls in my class were younger than me, but each one of them knew how to contour and highlight. We had to practice doing makeup on each other. My friend did mine and I didn’t like it. I didn’t hate it, it was just different than how I usually did my makeup. It just brought to my attention that we all do makeup differently.

Do you see these little girls on YouTube doing makeup tutorials? Like girl, go play with Barbies. You’re too young for this. I started wearing small amounts of makeup in grade school. In junior high, I added a little more. Mainly eyeliner and mascara. When I was in high school was when I started getting the hang of it and got really creative. I was amazing at makeup in high school. Not that I’m not today. 😀 My sister started doing makeup in junior high and let me tell you, now at 16, she’s slaying the game. Her eyebrows are always on “fleek”. She’s great at doing makeup. She could be a professional makeup artist. She’s the one that basically introduced me to makeup tutorials on YouTube. There are so many. I mainly watch Jeffree Star, Kat Von D, Kylie Jenner, It’s Black Friday, ReeRee Phillips, and Drac Makens. (I’m a goth, what can I say?) I have 4 different palettes and multiple Kylie lip kits and Jeffree and Kat Von D liquid lips.

Speaking of Jeffree Star, who said boys couldn’t do makeup? Again, Jeffree Star and Manny Mua SLAYING the game. I can’t believe just how great some guys look with makeup. They make us girls look like amateurs! Let boys play with makeup, even if they don’t identify as gay or bi. What’s wrong with a straight boy playing with makeup? It’s too “girly” for him to play with makeup and makes him less of a “man”? Again, do you honey. Do not let society dictate what you do and how you live your life.

Long live makeup!