My Life

Makeup or no makeup?

So telling from my pictures you can probably tell I wear A LOT of makeup. Should every girl wear makeup? Should guys be able to wear makeup without criticism? What about all natural? It seems my generation and the generation of kids in high school right now are all about makeup.

Makeup to me (and my sister) is a hobby. It’s an expensive hobby at that. I don’t put makeup on for you. I don’t do it for my husband. I don’t do it for my family. I actually don’t even wear makeup on a daily basis. I decided early on that it should be a privilege for you to see me with makeup on. I do it for myself. I think I look great with makeup on. I feel like doing makeup is an art. I express myself with colorful eyeshadows and bulk up my lashes with thick mascara. I show my gothic side by wearing black eyeliner. I’m in on the eyebrow trend that’s been going on for the past year. I just love makeup.

As I said, I don’t wear makeup every day. Honestly, it’s mainly because I’m lazy. However, it is also because when I pass on, I want people to remember me as I was naturally. Not a cake face covered in makeup or a fake Barbie. I don’t feel it should be a requirement as a girl to wear makeup every day. If you don’t want to wear makeup every day, or even at all, do you boo. 😉 Do not ever let any man, boy, or mean girl tell you that you need makeup to look pretty. You’re beautiful as you are. Makeup is supposed to enhance your features, but it can also be used to make you look totally different. Whichever way you choose is up to you. There really are no rules in makeup. I’ve learned there are makeup tutorials all over YouTube, but so many people do their makeup different than the next person.

When I was in Cosmetology school, we had a week process of learning how to do makeup. Honestly, I thought it was a load of crap. It really didn’t teach us anything we didn’t already know. All the girls in my class were younger than me, but each one of them knew how to contour and highlight. We had to practice doing makeup on each other. My friend did mine and I didn’t like it. I didn’t hate it, it was just different than how I usually did my makeup. It just brought to my attention that we all do makeup differently.

Do you see these little girls on YouTube doing makeup tutorials? Like girl, go play with Barbies. You’re too young for this. I started wearing small amounts of makeup in grade school. In junior high, I added a little more. Mainly eyeliner and mascara. When I was in high school was when I started getting the hang of it and got really creative. I was amazing at makeup in high school. Not that I’m not today. 😀 My sister started doing makeup in junior high and let me tell you, now at 16, she’s slaying the game. Her eyebrows are always on “fleek”. She’s great at doing makeup. She could be a professional makeup artist. She’s the one that basically introduced me to makeup tutorials on YouTube. There are so many. I mainly watch Jeffree Star, Kat Von D, Kylie Jenner, It’s Black Friday, ReeRee Phillips, and Drac Makens. (I’m a goth, what can I say?) I have 4 different palettes and multiple Kylie lip kits and Jeffree and Kat Von D liquid lips.

Speaking of Jeffree Star, who said boys couldn’t do makeup? Again, Jeffree Star and Manny Mua SLAYING the game. I can’t believe just how great some guys look with makeup. They make us girls look like amateurs! Let boys play with makeup, even if they don’t identify as gay or bi. What’s wrong with a straight boy playing with makeup? It’s too “girly” for him to play with makeup and makes him less of a “man”? Again, do you honey. Do not let society dictate what you do and how you live your life.

Long live makeup!

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My Life

Why I’ve chosen not to have kids

Reproducing, huh? Everyone seems to be doing it. (No pun intended) Most people after they settle down and get married start to think about having kids. Some people have kids before they’re even ready. Then there’s us. The small percentage of the population that has chosen not to have children.

“Why?” you may ask. My response is “Why should I?” What’s so great about having kids? My husband and I have always been somewhat awkward around kids. I personally am not a huge fan of kids. Mainly because I have a quick temper and I’m impatient.

Today I went with my mom to hang out with my little cousins ages 7 and 2 I believe. The 7-year-old girl warmed up to me pretty fast. She sat down next to me and started blabbing about how she “hates” this and “hates” that. I explained to her that hating something is not very nice. “Do you hate everything?” I asked her. “No. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate my brother. I don’t hate my dog.” was her response. Mind you the mother of these children has brainwashed them both. She herself has a multitude of problems. Later when the kids were eating the 7-year-old kept hitting her 2-year-old brother and saying he hit her. I watched the whole thing. He didn’t lay a finger on her. When my mom took her upstairs to change clothes she put on a long sleeve shirt and leggings. It was around 80 some degrees out today. It was hot. She made it a point to let us know she’s cold in the summer and hot in the winter. Now to most people, this might sound like regular child like behavior. To me, it was annoying.

When we were in the car waiting for their mom to pick them up, the 7-year-old got out of her car seat and started climbing around the car like a jungle gym. She climbed onto the head rests of the front seats and put her feet in my mom’s face. My mom told her to act right and she actually started yelling at my mom! “Who do you think you’re yelling at?” I asked her. She didn’t answer me. She just kept arguing with my mom. See, here’s the problem. If that was my child, I’d probably have DCFS called on me because I would smack her upside her head. However, in this situation, she’s not my child and I was not in charge of her at this point. Now I’m a liberal as much as the next millenial, but I still believe in scolding your children. Maybe not abusing them or neglecting them, but spanking or smacking them when they need it. I learned at a young age, time out doesn’t nothing for me. How do I know it would work on any other kid?

Want to know the main reason I don’t want to have kids? They are embarrassing. You have to drag them everywhere and most will throw fits when they don’t get what they want. They’re rude, disrespectful, and annoying. Again, this is my personal opinion because I’m not a kid person. My husband’s reasoning behind not wanting children is because he doesn’t want to raise a child in the cruel world of today’s society. He was bullied as a child and he doesn’t want our child to go through that. Another reason he doesn’t want kids is because we would be passing on our mental health issues to a child, who doesn’t deserve to live with them. How do you respond to “Why do I feel like this?” when your child is depressed? I’m a heavily medicated, diagnosed schizophrenic and my husband has major depression. I would never want a child to have to deal with that.

My mom has even told me she doesn’t think I should have kids. That must mean something, right? From the age of 14, I practically raised my 4-year-old sister myself. My step-dad worked nights and my mom was gone for over 6 months for training to be a flight attendant. I was in charge of making sure my sister ate and did what she needed to do. Awesome, a free babysitter, right? Wrong. Not awesome. This is another reason I don’t want to have kids. I was in charge of my sister for many years and in a way, to me, that was like raising my old child.

We all have different opinions on children. Most people love them. Trust me, I’ve tried to love them. I don’t. My husband doesn’t either. There’s no doubt in our minds, even only at age 26, we are not having children. To much dismay of our peers and family, it just isn’t happening. There are so many people I know that are living their lives without having kids. To me, it looks like a pretty decent way to live. Sure we won’t have kids to throw us in a nursing home when we get old, but at least we’ll die together knowing we loved each other and we didn’t let a kid tear our marriage apart.

Just one woman’s perspective of life without kids. If you want kids, more power to you. We live in America where you have the freedom to do pretty much whatever you want. I won’t lose any respect for you if you have kids, I’ll actually gain respect, for I cannot deal with kids.

My Life

A marriage with one income (and no kids)

Currently, I don’t work. I’m actually starting college at the age of 26 in the fall. Since I’m basically going to school full time, I have little time for a part time job. I also WILL NOT work in food service. That’s my personal choice. I’ve applied at an office and have an interview tomorrow, but I’m doubting they will hire me because of my crazy hours.

Last week I was talking to my husband and he said if this place doesn’t hire me, he’s not too worried about me getting a job. He actually just got a promotion and I’m hoping it doesn’t fall through. Once he gets it he will be making about $300 extra a week. Thankfully then we can start paying off all our debt. Between the two of us, we are both in major credit card debt. Anyway, I was actually surprised when he said this. I couldn’t believe he actually didn’t care if I worked. “Yeah, it’d be nice to have more extra money, but I’m not forcing you to” is basically what he said.

I quit my well-paying job back in 2015 and have been unemployed ever since. I went to Cosmetology school full time and that didn’t work out so well. I did have a salon job for a few months earlier this year but I was fired because I wasn’t getting through training quick enough and my manager said she didn’t have time to train me. After getting fired, I had to decide what I wanted to do. I love writing. I do it frequently. I decided to go to school to major in journalism and creative writing.

Living on one income is a bit difficult. We barely skate by and like I said, we have major credit card debt. I’m the one that pays the bills so I have to budget every week my husband gets paid and we are limited to how much money we can spend on groceries. We aren’t able to splurge and buy all kinds of food at the store. We don’t get to buy extra stuff that often, which is why we are in credit card debt. Between the two of us, we go to multiple doctors appointments and each have our own medications we have to pay for. We have 4 pet ferrets we have to buy food, treats, and litter for. It really all adds up.

My husband is a hard worker. He works every day, 5 days a week for 8 hours a day at a factory job that’s he’s been at for 6 years. He’s been so supportive of me over the years.

I happened to pass along to my mom what my husband said about me not having to work. She wasn’t very happy about it. “Don’t you want to make your own money?” She asked. “No. Not really.” I said. I can see how that can be taken as me being lazy, but you have to understand, I’m going to school full time. I want to focus on school. I want to have time to study. I don’t want to overwhelm myself, which I get overwhelmed very easily. My parents are both always on me about getting a job. I just don’t get why it’s so important for me to have a job. It’s so annoying. I wish they would just let me live my life. It’s not like they’re paying for my schooling. My husband is paying for me to go through school and I’m forever grateful for that. They don’t live with me. They don’t pay our bills. If my husband, who is the sole source of our income tells me I don’t have to work, I’m not going to work unless I have to.

Call me lazy all you want, but after I graduate college, I do intend to get a job. I just don’t think it’s the best thing to do right now. However, if I get this office job, I get it and I will work part time. We just have to see how it pans out. Moral of the story is, it’s hard to skimp by with one income, but if you can live comfortably and your significant other supports you, go for it!

My Life

Ferrets as pets? Are you crazy???

A lot of people don’t know how to respond when I talk about my “babies”. I don’t have children, but I consider my 4 pet ferrets my children. “Don’t they stink?” “Do they bite?” “Are they litter trained?” Some of the questions I’m frequently asked. No. No. And yes.

There’s a common belief around people that ferrets stink. I can assure you, their cage doesn’t always smell like roses. However, if you give them baths every month and clean out their litter boxes frequently in their cage, there won’t be much smell. Then again, I’m in the U.S. and here it’s illegal for ferrets to not be de-scented. Personally, I can’t smell anything off and neither can my husband. My sister and mom both say when they walk in my house they can smell it. I’d like to point out that they own 3 dogs and a cat and their house smells like dogs, so what’s the difference?

Ferrets have a natural instinct to be litter trained. They are actually very clean animals. Not rodents! Don’t ever call a ferret a rodent in front of a ferret owner, you will regret it. 😉 When we purchased each of our 4 ferrets from Petco, they were in a plastic dome like cage with paper pet bedding and a small igloo to sleep in. Now, this is a debate with ferret owners, how to house them. I’d venture to say about 90% of ferret owners would tell you they need to be in a metal barred cage with multiple levels, litter boxes on each level (depending how many ferrets you have), lots of blankets and old t-shirts as bedding, and multiple hammocks and hanging bed throughout the cage.

When we first purchased our first ferrets in 2011, we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. We purchased a generic cage from Petco that had multiple levels and seemed secure enough, pet bedding, litter boxes, ferret litter, water bottle, food bowl, hammocks, the works. I started noticing after a few weeks that both ferrets seemed to have some type of sinus problems. I researched online and found out you are NOT supposed to use the paper pet bedding in ferret cages. It causes respiratory infections. We quickly removed the pet bedding and replaced it with some old shirts.

Are they litter trained? Get to the point… YES! However, when they are free roaming through the house during play time, they have accidents on the floor. We made a makeshift litter box out of a small rubber made tub and cut a door into it. They used it for about a year then started to ignore it. When they are in their cage though, they ALWAYS use the litter box. A side note, you should not use cat litter for your ferrets as the dust can also cause respiratory infections. We use the Marshall brand ferret litter that is paper pellets. We’ve never had any problems with it. We also have 2 litter boxes on the lowest level and 2 litter boxes on the highest level. (We have a 2 level Ferret Nation cage. Expensive, but worth every penny!)

They do bite from time to time. That’s something you have to work with them on. When we purchased our first 2 ferrets as babies, my male bit me the first night I tried to hold him and drew blood. That was the point where I thought maybe having ferrets wasn’t such a good idea. I can tell you that now at 6 years old that ferret still bites, but not hard. He more or less nibbles on your finger and play bites. It doesn’t hurt. Our youngest male that we purchased in 2014 has been the worst about biting. He was such a sweet little baby but as he got older he started fighting hardcore with our female. He learned to defend himself pretty quickly. Whenever we would play with him he would bite us, hard. I started scruffing him (pinching the skin on the back of his neck like a mother would do to move her babies, it doesn’t hurt them.) and telling him “No!” in a very stern voice. It took a few years, but now he play bites very gently.

Ferrets are amazing pets. They sleep 18 hours a day. They’re litter trained. Not to mention, they are so much fun! If you’re thinking about getting a ferret or would like to learn more about them, I recommend http://www.ferret-world.com. It’s an amazing resource.

My Life

Video games in the marriage?

Some people ask me “How does your marriage work when your husband is a gamer?”

Well, simple, really. We compromise. We set aside time each night to watch TV together or talk, and we also set aside a few hours later in the night for him to play video games with his friends (online, not in real life) and me to play Sims 4 on my laptop or write.

Being a gamer isn’t something you should sarcastically say “Oh God…” to. I think it’s actually pretty healthy. After all, he could be doing something else with his time like talking to other girls, drinking, partying… So in the end, is gaming really that bad?

My Grandparents get a little annoyed when my husband doesn’t come with me to visit them, they ask what he’s doing. “He’s at home playing video games.” Their generation doesn’t understand the hype over video games. I think people don’t understand how much skill and logical thinking is required to play video games. It’s not something you can just start doing over night and call yourself a gamer.

My husband is a super logical person. He’s great in a panic situation. I learned that when my sister got her arm tore open by a dog about a month ago. She was bleeding all over my carpet and bathroom and I just went blank. I had no idea what to do other than taking her to the hospital. He wrapped her arm up and told her to keep it elevated. I was very thankful for him that night. However, I should’ve already known he was good in panic situations. Every time I’ve ever had a panic attack or mental meltdown, he’s always been there to talk me through it and make me take a xanax. I’m forever grateful for my husband.

To make your marriage work, you have to compromise. You also need to have time to pursue your hobbies on your own. He wants to play video games with his friends for 3 hours? That’s fine. At least he’s having fun and doing something he enjoys. He doesn’t have many friends in the real world so I applaud him for making friends online that he can talk to. I’ve even heard him give them advice, something he’s great at (because of his logical thinking).

I hope this brings a new light to gamers. They aren’t bad. It’s just what they like to do. Let them play games. Let them be happy!

My Life

What is depression?

Good question, right? Here’s the dictionary’s definition:

de¡pres¡sion
dəˈpreSH(ə)n/
noun
 
  1. 1.
    feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
    “self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression”

How many of you have suffered depression? Have you been depressed and not known it was depression?

Depression is not being able to get out of bed in the morning.

Depression is not wanting to be around people.

Depression is not taking care of your well being.

So many more things…

I visited with my best friend today. She’s been having a real rough time. Every time she texts me, somewhere in the conversation I ask her how she is doing. Once that question is asked, she stops texting me and doesn’t answer the question. She said the question gives her anxiety. She has been so depressed lately. She has seldom reached out to me. How does one deal with this situation? Well, personally, I thought she was mad at me so I waited for her to text me. When she did finally decide to text me, it was a passive aggressive text indicating she would never be like me. I hate when she texts me these things. It makes me feel so bad. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it does. I used to tell her to stop comparing herself to me. We’re two totally different people on different journeys. Lately, however, I’ve been ignoring these texts and wait for her to send a normal one. I’m not sure if she’s caught on to my reasoning as to why I don’t text her back. In truth, I don’t really know how to respond to these texts.

My best friend is diagnosed with major depressive disorder. As am I. The difference is, I’ve been through just as many different medications as she has, I just somehow found the ones that work for me. She hasn’t been so lucky. The number of times she’s tried to kill herself in the past few years is alarming. From drinking perfume to overdosing on pills. Most people tell me I don’t need that drama in my life and if she doesn’t appreciate me, she isn’t a true friend. Here’s the thing… I look past all that because I’ve been in the same situation. I’ve felt rock bottom, it hurts. I also know what it’s like to take medications that aren’t helping you and your doctor won’t listen to you about. I’ve done a lot of research on depression and schizophrenia in my life. I’ve always been trying to find the answers to why I am, and why she is, the way we are.

A lot of people ask me, “Why would you want to kill yourself?” or say “I don’t understand how you can think like that.” The world is ignorant to what they don’t understand. If you haven’t been through it yourself, you won’t understand. Why would I want to kill myself? Because I’m selfish. I’m tired of living with pain, day after day. I’m tired of getting up every morning to the same routine. I’m tired of being tired. People who haven’t lived it will never understand.

So, the moral of the story is… Don’t ever question someone when they are suicidal. Be there for their support. If they would like to tell you how they are feeling and why they feel like killing themselves, sit back and listen. Don’t judge. Don’t talk. Don’t push. Let them come to you.

For those of you considering suicide, we understand what you are going through. Don’t give up. Confide in someone you trust instead of isolating yourself. Get help. We love you.

My Life

Hello and welcome!

Thank you first and foremost for checking out my blog. I’m not certain how long this blog will be up or if I will continue blogging after I start school, but I look forward to sharing my life with you and having you along my journey of this thing called “life”.

You may or may not have already noticed my facebook page located to the right of this advertising my books. That’s right. I’m a self-published author and let me tell you, it’s a difficult business. I think I have put more money into advertising my books than I have actually made off of them. Feel free to check them out, both available on amazon.com.

Two months ago I thought my journey in life was ending. They say “one door closes and another opens”. Well, one door opened and then kicked me right back out. I was in Cosmetology school from February 2016 – May 2017. I thought I was doing great. I thought I was going to make it big in the hair business. Little did I know, I didn’t have the skill. My teachers told me I had it and I believed them. However, when I got a job at SuperCuts, I learned I didn’t have the skill at all. I had the basics and pretty much everything I learned was thrown out the window. By June I got fired from SuperCuts because they felt they had trained me enough but I wasn’t working up to par. What a nightmare… So I had two choices. Leave the hair business behind and move forward, or continue working in the hair business. Seeing as I didn’t think I had the skill to be successful doing hair, I decided I wanted to go to college. Real college. By mid-June, I was already enrolling at Heartland Community College to pursue my Associates in English.

By June I got fired from SuperCuts because they felt they had trained me enough but I wasn’t working up to par. What a nightmare… So I had two choices. Leave the hair business behind and move forward, or continue working in the hair business. Seeing as I didn’t think I had the skill to be successful doing hair, I decided I wanted to go to college. Real college. By mid-June, I was already enrolling at Heartland Community College to pursue my Associates in English. When I get my mind set on something I want to get it done. However, I’m the type of person that once I get about half way through, I want to quit and start something else. I guess I have A.D.D.

So here I am, almost at the end of July and am looking forward to starting school in late August. I’m so anxious. I just hope I don’t overwhelm myself.

When I was in High School, I thought I was going to graduate then go to Cosmetology School. That was my only plan. I hated school, especially High School, and I couldn’t see myself going to college. After going through Cosmetology school at 25, I learned I can do homework and take tests, even as a late bloomer. I dropped out of high school my senior year, started a full-time job at a place that put me through pure hell (but I made pretty good money), and got my G. E. D. So after quitting the place I called Hell, I was unemployed for almost 2 years. I felt my only option was to go to Cosmetology school.

What you may not know, is that through all of this, I discovered just how mentally ill and mentally unstable I am. I have thrown crying fits at my husband because he couldn’t help me. I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’ve planned out ways to kill myself. I’ve self-harmed. Through all this, I’m still standing. You don’t even want to hear about my dark childhood. My parents did the best they could, but things happen, unfortunately.

At the end of the day, I just want people to know things get better. I’ve talked so many people out of suicide. My husband when we were in high school, and my best friend who struggles on a daily basis. Dealing with suicidal people is hard, but dealing with suicide is harder. Keep your family and friends close. You never know what they are going through.

That’s my rant for today. Thanks for sticking around. 😉